By Raven Bren

When I was pretty young, maybe six or so, my mother and I had a

type of verbal ritual. I’d be hanging around the house, bugging her,

whining about nothing to do. She’d stop whatever she was doing and

turn to me and say, “I’m not your ringmaster, go find your own

circus.”

I always understood I was being sent out to play. As I got

older, there were times I’d complain of being bored and she’d start

the saying and I’d finish with, “Okay, I’m going to go find my own

circus”.

I would suggest not much has changed despite becoming an adult.

When tired with work or bored with all the have to’s, most of us turn

on the TV, scroll FB, review our to-do lists and just whine that life is

not so much fun.

Whenever happened to being sent out to play?

When I think of play, numerous words, pictures, and feelings fall into

my consciousness automatically, many from very different

perspectives.

I think of youth and childhood, exploration, curiosity.

I think of action and movement.

I think of laughter ringing.

I think of activities that challenge my brain but have some kind of

sweet payoff.

I think of spontaneous overload of creativity that must be expressed.

I think of wonder and awe of something not yet experienced.

I think of heightened emotional states and juicy feelings of

excitement.

I think of endorphins surging.

I think of companionship and friends, of safe places, and trust.

I think of that good kind of exhaustion that brings sleep with a sweet

smile.

I know emphatically that my life and the lives of most of my friends

do not include enough play. We are busy with work. For most of us

work is not-play. Most of us work at jobs for pay and we work hard

and put in long hours and why? Beyond the basic necessities of life, I

believe secretly it is so we can have more to “play with”. If not, why

not just scale back our necessities.

For most of us play involves some level of outlay of our hard-earned

income or at least the investment of some. That is, unless you create

cool games from rocks and dirt, which is how Mancala came about as

the first game developed by humans. Unfortunately, now if we want

to play a cleaner version of Mancala, we have to buy it. See, an outlay

of $$ to some degree.

So I think there are two good excuses right there for not so much

play.  “I don’t have the time AND I don’t have the money for play!”

So, my personal philosophy is that we have all the time we need; it’s

just a matter of carving it out. We can literally make time through

rearranging our priorities.

This often requires saying NO to some things to be able to say YES to

others. Sometimes it means being just a wee bit selfish, to allow

others to make their own choices and take care of themselves so we

can have some play-time for ourselves. It means being really

intentional about it. Make a play date for yourself. I know this feels as

though it eliminates the cool factor of spontaneity, but it is really

about creating a habit. Then, spontaneous play, once it feels safe

being in your life, can visit more frequently down the road.

To do this, we need to create a different mindset about it being okay

to have fun and make the time for it to return to our reality, without

guilt and without feeling like we took something away from

something or someone else to have it. With this more carefree

mindset, spontaneous play will feel more comfortable being a part of

our everyday lives. It will feel more natural and the need to carve out

time for it will diminish.

But, but, but… what about the money? Regardless of what play

means, it usually costs money. Travel, equipment, games, whatever it

involves, there is always some investment of money.

Again, my philosophy of “there is always more than enough” kicks in.

Always, it is about choice. Do we choose to work a few extra hours so

we can have more expendable income? Can we choose to forego some

purchase so we can spend a silly amount of money doing a zip line

and a catamaran cruise for an anniversary? My husband and I once

gave up a week’s groceries to do just that very thing and I fed us on

whatever was left in the pantry. Not easy, but it was worth it.

There are times when our play is something we already have. It

means a little more effort to look around at what we have available

now with no additional outlay of that hard-earned cash. It requires

more creativity. Sometimes the fun is IN the creativity of making fun

where none may be obvious.

For example, my husband plays online Scrabble with a number of his

friends. We have a beautiful Scrabble game that has been sitting in

the top of the closet for years. We pulled it out one weeknight and

stayed up to an ungodly hour playing. We laughed, created our own

rules, and lost valuable sleep over it. It was fun. And the energy from

the memories of it far outweighed any lost sleep.

My point is, sometimes we have to choose one thing over another to

have enough to do this or that, which needs to be fun now such as our

anniversary fun. Other times, when there is no extra and fewer

choices, we have to look around, get our creative juice flowing and

make some fun.

As children, we had a creative ability to make fun with nothing more

around us than the entire world we saw. Playground equipment

became monsters to be slain and sand and pebbles were gourmet

meals. We had games grown from our fertile imaginations, creating

elaborate stories we could then spend hours playing roles in, until we

were called to dinner. And then we grew up and got lost in all the

musts and shoulds that consume our waking hours. And the only

wonder we tend to share is that of why we are so tired. We loose our

sense of play.

I suggest a return to a simpler time, if only for a bit of time, away

from our adult-ness and back to when we dreaded being called in for

supper.

Adult coloring is all the rage and I am an enthusiastic participant. The

interesting thing is, that I wasn’t able to begin enjoying it until I let

myself stop caring about it being good enough and simply allowed

myself to play with it. As children we would color, show it off for five

seconds, and then forget out it. The secret was in the joy of the doing

and the appreciation, not in the product.

Life is not about getting it right. Life can truly be about enjoyment.

And although we probably won’t enjoy every moment of it, creating

time… intentional time… to play, can remind us of the joy that is our

birthright. Play doesn’t take energy, it gives energy.

So my challenge to you, dear friends, is to create for yourself some

playtime. Carve out a couple of hours a week; get your creative juices

flowing. Be your own ringmaster and create your own circus.

Raven Bren is a Crone, a writer, a grandmother, mother and wife with stories to share from her many years of life experience and too many hours in the sun pondering the meaning of life. She has recently moved back to her beloved Columbia after spending the last twelve years out on the west coast. Now retired to the boondocks, she has even more time for sharing thoughts in her areas of interest: the cosmos, why are we here, relationships, physics and consciousness, manifesting the life we desire, and how to keep deer from eating the lilacs. With wit and wisdom, rough edges and all, Raven invites you into her world… bring coffee.

We woke this week  to news of yet another mass shooting — this time at the Colorado Springs Planned Parenthood. Instant and palpable outrage.  Quickly followed by a feeling of futility and helplessness in the face of such senseless hate and destruction.  Whether it’s religious extremism abroad or homegrown hatred, what can we — what can any of us — possibly do to stem the tide of this craziness??

Whether you call it prayer or the power of intention, the fact is that thoughts are powerful vibrations. What we think about, focus on, obsess over — digs in and deepens its presence in our lives, for good or for ill.  So, if we are marinating ourselves and our society in the energy of our thoughts …  perhaps it would behoove us to give some thought to what exactly IS our marinade of choice?

Hmm.  Flip on any TV, radio, or podcast and what will you hear?  A host of pundits, political candidates, and talk show hosts, on all sides of the political spectrum, filling our ears and airwaves with finger-pointing, fear, anger, judgment and  ideas of ‘us vs them’ — if not outright hate.  Think about that. If thoughts are strong enough vibrations to literally change the shape of water crystals and the form of light — as some scientists now propound — what does that daily barrage do to the world and societies in which we live?  And more importantly, what can we do to counter it?  ‘Cause, let’s face it — most of us are not Gandhi, Mother Teresa, or Martin Luther King, Jr.  We are not likely to lead mass movements that change the course of history.

Or are we?

We seldom give much thought to the impact of a single word, a hug, a listening ear free of judgment — though all of us have been changed by those very things in our own life … or by the lack of them.    Truth is, we may wield more power than we know.  After all, the ripples that spread all the way across a wide lake begin with a small, single splash.

So here’s a thought.  How about we start a counter action, inundating the world with thoughts of peaceful coexistence–where problems engender a search for solutions instead of somebody to blame and differences of opinion lead to thoughtful discussion, rather than senseless death?   We’re not talking about some grand gesture — though if you’re called to that, more power to you.  The rest of us can start small and at home. Here are just a few ideas:

• That co-worker or waiter who delivers less than great service?  What if we replaced the usual bitching to our friends and family about the sucky service with a blessing that his day (and life) gets better so he can be fully present to those around him?   …. [A-hem.  Gotta admit, that one hits a little close to home. Wince.]
• Or the next time someone espouses a political position or supports a candidate you think is nuts? Maybe try a ‘tell me more about why you feel that way.’  Or ‘what is it that you like about him/her/ that?’  instead of jumping straight to our more typical  ‘you’re clearly an idiot’ default response.

Sound a little too PollyAnna?  (Okay, I just gotta ask — who IS PollyAnna anyway and how did she get this bad rap of being such a clueless sap??  Inquiring minds want to know.)   Anyway, here’s the thing:

A number of years ago, I ran into an acquaintance who’d been fired in a restructuring.  When I learned what had happened, I kept trying to offer support just as many of us do in that situation — by means of ‘Those !#&*@$ bastards!  What could they possibly have been thinking??‘  But instead of joining in the bash-fest, he stopped me, saying that while he’d enjoyed the work, there was this whole other thing he’d always been interested in and now he was getting the chance to explore that and how cool was that? And, ok — I admit it.  I thought he was being completely PollyAnna-ish (with apologies to P.A., whereever she may be) about the whole thing.    And yet — a decade later, I still remember that conversation.  And every time I hear of someone being forced into a job change they hadn’t sought, I wonder if maybe things will turn out for them like they did for Dan — bringing them home to themselves in a way they never would have experienced if the Universe hadn’t taken a hand and dumped them out of their comfort zone.   One short conversation, a decade ago that I’m sure he’s never given a second thought to … and yet it still impacts my thoughts today.

Words are indeed powerful.  So is taking the time to listen to one another.  A lot harder and more time-consuming than judging, condemning, bitching.  (Talk about moving out of our comfort zones!)  But the stakes are high here, folks. We have a world to turn around.

Maybe it’s time we all got started.